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There are many good jokes but the best ones are the clean ones that just seem to happen. I don't care for the ones that degrades other people to make themselves look better. So I really don't have jokes to type out but when something spontanouse happen then just put your head back and laugh.

Everynight she comes 2 me.She sings 4 me.She kisses me here and there.can u imagine who is she? Oh naughty boy! she is nothing but a mosquito.

U R in my heart in my breath.Without U i can,t live for a moment.Without U I.m lifeless.No need 2 b x-cited I,m talking about ......OXYGEN.......

At 1st i cut her cloths with my teeth. Then i start kissing,sucking.Then Sweety come over my body. Oh what a feelings! Do u know about her?She was ICE-CREAM.

A nurse was sucking finger of a boy due to bleeding in blood test.
The boy was smiling and the nurse asked why he is laughing? The boy said urine test is next.

nice joke!!!

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No Matter How Much I Regret,No Matter How Much I Dislike,I Cannot Change The Way I Live

first be4 reading this if ur below 15 please DO NOT READ THIS

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------Z-A Ecchi Group member---------

OK this might be a looooong joke but it's really good


Hello?", "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says,

"Swimming pool? .... Is this 486-5731?"

I got one for all of ya.

(The Generous Lawyer)

This charity worker, walks into this lawyers office & says

Charity Worker: "Sir our records indicate that you make over two million dollars a year & yet you've never once paid into any charities"

Lawyer: "Hmm yes well mom's a diabetic & she requires four sets of different medication every month, each costing over a hundred dollars a piece."

Charity Worker: "Oh I didn't kno..."

Lawyer: cutting her off he continues "And my brother is a war veteran, & can't afford his doctors visits."

Charity Worker: "I se..."

Lawyer: cutter her off again "and my little sister is on welfare with 9 kids, & her husband left her"

Charity Worker: "I'm sorry sir I didn't know"

Lawyer: Now I didn't pay any of them a last damn cent, what makes you think I'll pay you?

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The most fearsome of all monsters in the land...the dreaded Barney!

I got you a big number of jokes, split it into 2 posts due to character limit
Hope all of you like them
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Upset
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real
one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent
bastard," she screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . You explain the3 kids."

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Personal Ad
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


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Son in Law
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.

"What are you doing?" He exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing" She asked.

He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."

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Cannabilism
Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, I brought ten apples.The king then explained, Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you'll be eaten. The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.

The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!

The second one replied, I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.

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Sex With a Teacher, a Nurse....
How can you tell if you're making love to a teacher, a nurse or an airline stewardess?

A teacher says we got to do this over and over again 'til we get it right.

A nurse says hold still this won't hurt a bit.

And a airline stewardess says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.

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Dead Pussy
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.


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ircular Logic
Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison…’”

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Health Plan
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."




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Double Dose
A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra, but his request was denied.

"Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked. "It's not safe," the doctor replied.

"But I need it really bad," the man explained.

"My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, one of my exes will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday."

"Okay, I'll give it to you," the doctor relented. "But you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check to see if there are any side effects."

On Monday the man dragged himself into the doctor's office with his right arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

The man said, "No one showed up."



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Older Women
I met an older woman at a bar last night.

She wasn't bad for 57; we drank and bullshitted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had the 'sportsman's double', a mother and daughter threesome?

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
"Mom, you still awake?"


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~~Z-A Staff~~