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Lol that's.. Random xD

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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

ok, here's a stupid one...
although its not for innocent people...
A young man is wandering around the zoo looking at the animals. He suddenly remembers about an appointment that he scheduled. Unfortunately, he forgot his watch. He searchs for someone who could give him the time.

He sees a zoo keeper standing next to an elephant. "Excuse me, sir," says the young man "Do you know what time it is?"

The zoo keeper reaches under the elephant, grabs his balls and starts playing with them.

"Mmmmm, it is about 3:00," the zoo keeper responds.

The young man looks at him in awe, "How did you know that?" The zoo keeper looks back at the man, "I looked at the clock on the wall right behind you."

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Thanks Ryuuojin for teh sig:



Needless to say anything...

Chuck Norris jokes are funny.

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Chuck Noriss has ordered a burger at Mucdonalds and got it.
Chuck Noriss has already counted till etearnity, twice!

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Try to escape form the rain when it is inside of you!

Chuck Noriss can lift a chair with one hand. The one he is sitting on.

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Try to escape form the rain when it is inside of you!

that's random

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thanks beefjurky ;p
[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Chuck Noriss has invented water!
God said there be light, Chuk Noriss said no problem!
Chuck Noriss once played russian rulet with a full loaded gun, and won!

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Try to escape form the rain when it is inside of you!

A man walked into a bar and said "Ow".


Okay, okay, that was bad. By the way, it's spelled "Chuck Norris", not "Chuck Noriss". ~.^ Now, good jokes... Ack, I'm no help. I'm mostly good with situational humor, based on something happening at the time. I can provide a link to funny posters, though.

Like this one: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
((Click "Humor" on the left to find more))

A termite walks into a bar, and says "is the bartender here?"

Get it? Bar + Tinder(as in wood)=Bartender?

MAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so FUNNY.

...

ok so it was horrible. sue me.

Blonde

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it's slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the surface over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune the Wal-mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

Lawyers

A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.

As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mile from shore in shark infested waters.

Most of those aboard the yacht were badly injured from their ordeal. The only able bodied that were on board were a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

The doctor says, “Someone is going to have to swim ashore and get some help. I would volunteer but most of the crew and passengers are in pretty bad shape and I am needed here to care for them.”

The priest replies, “I would volunteer to go also but I might be needed to comfort the injured or perform last rights.”

The lawyer says, “No problem.” He immediately strips off his shirt and dives into the shark infested water. There is a great turbulence in the water and then the doctor and priest notice that all of the sharks have formed a double line from the yacht to the beach allowing the lawyer to swim between them.

“My Goodness,” says the priest. “It is a miracle!” The doctor looking at the lawyer swimming to shore says, “No, Father. It is not a miracle. It’s professional courtesy!”

Q:You’re trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. Your gun has only two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a cement truck traveling at 60 mph?
A: Never enough.

Q: What do honest lawyers and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

Q: What's the difference between baseball and the law?
A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

Q: What do you say to a lawyer when you see he's about to get hit by a truck?
A: __________.

Q: What's the difference between lawyers and vampires?
A: Vampires only suck blood at night.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
A: Another lawyer.

Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors, that's a pity. If there were any empty seats, that's a shame.

Q: What's the defintion of mixed emotions?
A: Seeing your lawyer drive off the cliff in your new Mercedes.

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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.